26 Feb Secrets to getting a “Happy Ever After” Marriage
Most of us dream of meeting our wonderful spouse and having a “happy ever after”, well God wishes that for you. He created you and wishes you to have your happy ever after, but there are certain rules and guidelines that must be followed and if you play by the rules, you will indeed find your happy ever after, so join me as I unveil these secrets to a happy marriage and a happy ever after.
First, we must understand the concept of marriage in the eyes of God. When God created man and kept him in the Garden of Eden to care for everything, he realised that it was not good for him to be alone. Therefore God decided to create a helper for man and so made him fall into a deep sleep, took a rib from him, and used it to make a female (Genesis 2:22). Talk about the first surgery ever…lol. Anyway, when the man woke up, he saw this female and identified her as the bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh, and so-called her “woman”(Genesis 2:23). However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God (1 Corinthians 11:11-12). Both need each other to become whole and so when they come together they become complete as they are bound together in marriage. Some may ask then that “if I am not married, does that mean I am not whole?”, well the scripture answers that by saying that we are joined to God as he is our husband ((Isaiah 54:5) and that makes us whole, however, it is also good to be married, so as a married couple we are joined to one another, and then God joins that union creating an even stronger bond.
So we can see that God made them male and female, and it was for this reason that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they will become one flesh (Genesis 2:24 & Matthew 19:4-5). This first means that marriage is between 2 heterosexual people, therefore homosexuality goes against God’s order of things. Now for the two, male and female to become one flesh, that entails consummating their marriage and thus being bound together. Sex binds both parties together, this is why it is crucial to wait until marriage before having sex. Sex between married couples brings no shame (Genesis 2: 25), but sex outside of marriage is a thing of shame as it goes against God’s order of things, which is why he said that sex outside of marriage was sexual immorality. God only wants us to be joined to one person, so when you have sex outside of marriage, you become joined to that person and if you have multiple sexual partners, you become joined to all of them, and this is detestable in the eyes of God. (1 Corinthians 6:16). It is therefore important for a man and woman to be joined to one another and it is in that union that he commanded that they are commanded to be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground (Genesis 1:27-28) and that is God’s master plan for marriage. For them to successfully do this, they need to be bound in every sense of the word, not being unequally yoked with an unbeliever as that causes a conflict of faith and belief which can prevent real togetherness under God’s eye.
Now that we understand God’s concept of marriage, it is important for us to see how to make the marriage really work. God wants a marriage to be successful so throughout the scriptures we see his rules and guidelines to enable this union to stand firmly. The husband is regarded as the head of the home and the wife is expected to submit to his authority, not as a subordinate, but in love and respect, as they are equal partners and joint heirs to all the gracious gifts of life that God has given (1 Peter 3:7). This is a very important structure many do not understand. The bible acknowledges that both the man and the woman are equal partners, yet what we find is a wrong application of this scripture, where the man ignores the part that states that they are equal partners, to only address the part that pronounces him as the head and so bosses the wife around and becomes a family dictator, while the woman has a power tussle with her husband as she refuses to submit to his headship, as the modern feminism craze applauds. However the key factor to be focused on is “love”, where both parties acknowledge that they are equal partners, so the man listens to his wife, respects and trust her, both of them discuss every issue together and agree on any subject matter, while the woman submits to his headship in love and respect as he is the one who has the final decision, yet both of them also submit all matters to God because they can agree on anything God says.
Husband and wife are both to support one another in love. The husband is admonished not to be harsh with his wife (Colossians 3:19), but to love her as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her (Ephesians 5:25), and to love her as much as he loves himself (Ephesians 5:28). He is to be considerate with his wife and treat her with respect (1 Peter 3:7). He should treasure his wife, trust her and encourage her (Proverb 31:10-11 & 28-29). The woman, on the other hand, is not only to submit to her husband but to love him and their children. She is to be self-controlled, pure, kind and busy at home (Titus 2:4-5). Her beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of her inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:3-4).They both are to agree in faith in raising godly children and then fulfilling the remaining command given to them by God to dominate and rule the earth.
To dominate the earth and subdue it, each party in a marriage is expected to be hardworking and bring their very best. They must first be able to provide for the needs of their families, then relatives and then as they prosper, meet the needs of the community and lend to nations. The man being the breadwinner must provide for his household, likewise, the woman, is to ensure she brings wealth into her family, therefore it is not good for the financial responsibility of a home to rest solely on one party. Instead, it is crucial that both of them contribute to the financial wellbeing of the home in order to meet their daily needs. Proverbs 31, gives a good example of what a wife is supposed to be. She is described as a virtuous woman whose price is far above rubies. She is the ideal expectation of a wife. She is industrious and business-oriented. She is so successful that the profits from her business are so great that she can even buy a piece of land with it. The man treasures his wife, trusts her and encourages her (Proverb 31:10-11 & 28-29). The man also is to be the provider for his household for if he does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (1 Timothy 3:4)
In their sexual relationship with each other, they are to satisfy each other sexually and not deprive one another of their conjugal rights, as this is seen as giving room for the devil to enter the marriage. This is because one of the core reasons of marriage is to satisfy their sexual desires, therefore, no wife or husband is permitted to withhold his or her body from their partner as they are both one flesh, therefore should either ask for the fulfilment of the conjugal rights, the other is expected to accept. The only basis for pausing sex between a couple is if one or both of them is fasting and this must still be done only if the other party permits it, yet it should only be for a short time so that temptation doesn’t come in (1 Corinthians 7:5)
In conclusion, both the husband and wife are to love, honour, trust and respect each other, and work together for the good of their family, to raise godly children in the way of the lord, and to dominate and subdue the earth and everything in it. Therefore it is very important that they submit their home to God because it is only in him that they can find the right path to take and fulfil their purpose in his great plan and have a happy ever after.